Watch Over Her (Only Her Series Book 1) Page 2

  For just an instant, those eyes soften as I look up at him, and he visibly relaxes. But as quickly as it happens, it’s over. The walls he obviously has in place are put back up, and if I had to guess, those walls are almost impenetrable.

  “Hey, Raina.” The way my name rolls off his tongue is sexy as sin with his rough voice. Looking up at him is intense as he stands there, one foot crossed over the other, arms folded and a broad shoulder leaning against the wall.

  “Zane. Good to see you. I wondered if you’d be here tonight.”

  He smirks, laughing quietly to himself. “You were thinking about me?”

  If you only knew.

  “Well, coming here most Fridays and you bartending, I was just, you know, thinking maybe you’d be working. Looks like you’re working on Tira, though.” Instantly, my face reddens at the comment I let slip.

  Jeez Raina, open mouth, insert foot. What the hell?

  “Tira and I aren’t together. Not now and not ever. We’re friends, and that’s all,” he replies, in a tone that implies I should not question him. He pushes off the wall, causing him to stand at his full, intimidating height.

  “Maybe someone should tell her that, then.” I glance down and straighten my back in the hopes of looking taller and more confident, but my hands fumble with the hem of my shirt. Closing my eyes, I attempt to gather some courage. “Look, I know we see each other a lot here at the pub. We’ve never talked, not really. Maybe sometime we could...um, get a coffee together or something?”

  Coffee? Really? Does he look like the coffee type?

  I can see his back stiffen, and the look in his eyes tells me I might be way off. “Raina, you don’t want coffee with me. You don’t want anything with me. Trust me.”

  It’s not surprising to hear him say that, but it does make me sad. It's like he doesn’t feel he’s worthy of me in some way. He doesn’t really know anything about me, so it's odd he would think that.

  “Maybe you shouldn’t assume to know what it is I want. It’s just coffee, Zane. Not a marriage proposal.”

  His look becomes more focused and his hand flattens quickly on the wall beside my face, leaning forward, virtually blocking me in. His lips are so close to mine, stealing the air directly from my lungs. I can barely breathe.

  There is something there. Something he is ready to say. There’s a storm raging in those eyes, some truth he is fighting to reveal. Fluttering isn’t the word I would use to describe what my heart is doing, because it is so much more intense than that. Racing, perhaps. He closes his eyes and butterflies swirl in my stomach as I ready myself for a kiss. He is that close.

  Silence fills the air.

  But then the moment passes. His hand comes down along with his head. He stares at the floor and gruffly lets out a moan. He storms away with his hands in fists, and I stand there, alone again, knees shaking, unable to breathe. I get it now. I’m not enough for him.

  My heart feels hollow. Something I’ve felt quite a bit in the past two years.

  Chapter Four

  Raina

  I nervously walk back to the table to finish my drink with every intention of leaving once it's empty. I sigh, left even more confused by the heightened interaction with Zane, albeit brief. His heart may have said one thing; his mind said something else entirely.

  “Holy shit! God, he's intense. What was that?”

  “Who knows,” I say, as I plop back down in my seat beside Sarah, trying to shake off the rejection. “I asked him to go for coffee.” I turn my body quickly to face her and roll my eyes. “Does he look like the coffee type to you? The shit that comes out of my mouth sometimes amazes me! No wonder he walked away.”

  “That wasn’t just walking. The intensity on his face...he was ready consume you. That man has it bad for you and for whatever reason, he won’t admit it.”

  Unfortunately, she has it all wrong. So do I. I was shot down tonight, and since I don’t care for a repeat performance of that humiliation any time soon, I’ll just keep my distance from now on.

  “Yeah, well, it is what it is. Let’s finish these and head out. I’m exhausted, and it’s been a long week.”

  Sarah and I finish our drinks in relative silence, listening to the conversations from others at our table. The live music has stopped briefly, and as I get up to leave, one-half of the acoustic duo stops me with a hand on my arm. He glances at Sarah, smiles, then his eyes land on me.

  “Hey. We just finished our second set. I was wondering if you’d like to sit with me for a drink?”

  I nervously look around to find Sarah, and there she stands, an amused look on her face.

  “Of course she’d like another drink. But sadly, I have to head on home to…let out the dog. Yeah, the dog.”

  Sarah, you don’t have a dog!

  “Great,” says Guitar Man, looking questioningly at me. “What would you like?”

  “Um…I, uh…just a glass of wine. Please. Moscato.”

  “Coming right up. I have a table right over there, I’ll meet you after I get our drinks.”

  My thoughts are somewhat confused right now. Didn’t Sarah just tell me to pull up my big girl panties and perhaps try a date with Zane? And now she’s pushing for me to have drinks with Guitar Guy. She has to be the most confusing friend I’ve ever had. But with more experience with men than me, maybe she’s onto something. I most certainly don’t have a clue.

  The table is off to the side of the pub, near the stage but away from most everyone else. Guitar Guy comes to sit down and introduces himself as Liam. I remembered the singers’ names were Liam and Cole; I just didn’t remember which was which. My attention, as of late, has obviously been on the bar.

  I learn that Liam is originally from the Durham area and grew up in a musical household, both parents also being musicians. He is tall and very well-built, with shaggy blond hair and piercing eyes.

  What is it with men and their eyes?

  Liam is a good-looking guy, and the fact that he plays the guitar and sings make him that much more attractive. We talk, drink, and enjoy each other’s company and conversation. It’s easy with him, I have to admit.

  And I won’t, at any point in my time with Liam, address the angry look on Zane’s face as he watches Liam and I interact. He is unquestionably pissed, but there’s Tira sitting right next to him, ready to crawl all over him like a monkey in a tree. He’s basically ignoring her, and the look on her face is one of a scorned lover. But, whatever.

  Moments later, Zane rushes out the door and leaves Tira alone at the bar, nearly making a scene and clearly irritated.

  “What’s with Zane?” asks Liam, motioning his head toward the entrance.

  “You know him?”

  “Just from playing here once in a while, sure. He’s been staring at you all night. Are you two dating?”

  I try my best not to stare at the door where Zane just stormed out. “Oh God, no. Not dating. At all. He barely even talks to me. Really. I have no idea what’s up,” I say nervously, trying to turn this conversation around. “So, y’all sounded great tonight. Loved your music. It’s been a long week, so anything would sound good...I mean, you weren't bad...”

  You can shut up anytime now. Could this night get any worse?

  Liam chuckles, tilting his head to the side. “Thank you, I think.”

  I take a deep breath and scoot my chair back. “I think it’s about time I head out. Thank you for the drinks. It was great to meet you. I’ll probably see you again next time you play here.”

  “Sounds great. How about this Friday? We’re scheduled to play at eight and I’d love to see you again.”

  “Um, okay. Perfect. I’ll see you then.”

  My steps are quick as I make my way to the car, replaying this crazy night over and over in my mind. And I know there will be very little sleep tonight.

  Chapter Five

  Zane

  My bed provides no comfort to me again tonight. Sleep eludes me. No wonder I’m constantly irritated. Sleepless nights do not help my mood at all, but there are so many things that have happened in my life that keep my mind agitated and troubled, which certainly doesn’t allow for a good night’s rest.

  I can’t help but think of Raina. I hurt her tonight. I saw those eyes, as embarrassment passed over them, as she closed them when I stepped away, right before I allowed my mouth to devour hers. Jesus, I went from irritable to asshole in a matter of seconds. But I had no choice.

  My thoughts circle back to her over and over again. For a moment, I imagine her talking to me and enjoying my company, the way she enjoyed Liam’s. What I wouldn't give to be the one she smiled at.

  I allow my mind to wander, and I imagine taking her to a romantic dinner, holding her hand, and bringing her back to my apartment. I anticipate the wild look in her eyes as I begin to kiss her slowly, but eagerly, my tongue caressing the softness right behind her ear. I can almost hear the hitch in her breath as she responds to my fingers coming in contact with her satiny skin. My roughened hands would strip her body of clothing, then trace every line and curve of her beautiful physique, possibly twice. She would straddle my lap, rubbing herself against me. Tangling her hands in my hair, her touch would set me on fire, I know, and digging her nails into my back, she would arch hers and cry out, finding her release, as I relentlessly grind against her core. Eventually, I would lead her back to the bedroom, and there we would lose ourselves in each other. Her body would shake, and she would gasp while I drive into her over, and over again, giving her pleasure like she’s never known.

  It would be spectacular, life-altering.

  Shit. I have to stop thinking like this.

  My Raina is not the kind of girl you have a one night stand with. She is the girl you make mad, passionate love to night afte
r night. She’s also the girl who deserves the fairy tale...not the nightmare that is my life.

  Reality sets in again as I open my eyes from the sensual scene that just played itself out in my head. She’s way too good for someone with a black soul like mine. Too many skeletons in this closet rattling around like a wind chime in a hurricane for me to be comfortable in any kind of relationship with her. If she knew half the shit that went on in my life, she’d run far, far away. Liam is so much better for her than me, and fuck all, if that doesn’t make me want her even more.

  I’ve been watching her for so long now that it’s getting harder and harder to stay away from her, and even more difficult to ignore my feelings. But I promised my brother I’d keep my distance from her. I owe it to him. Hell, even from the grave he still haunts me.

  A cold drink sounds good right about now, as does a quiet moment on the balcony of my apartment. I check my phone again for a message from Tira, to be sure she made it home. I know she was pissed when I left, and I know she saw me glaring at Liam. But she also knows where we stand. Friends, and not with benefits. She’s been coming on to me for weeks now, and I can spot a clinger a mile away.

  She doesn’t hold a candle to Raina anyway. My feelings for Tira could never come close to what I could feel with Raina, and that’s the problem. I can’t have feelings for Raina. Too many complications and too many obstacles to overcome to even consider getting close to her. Even knowing that, I still can’t help but feel a pull, on some subconscious level, toward her. Like her soul belongs to me.

  A chill penetrates my bones as I stand outside, overtaking the heat from the story that just played out with Raina in my mind. The chill is not just because of the temperatures, though. For some reason, memories of the night I found Zander are surfacing, and I know I won’t be able to get them out of my head. It's like a bad movie playing over and over. Some days, it feels like I’ll never be able to escape this nightmare. I never want to forget my brother, but I wish I could just move on with my life. Why do things always have to be so fucked up for me? It’s a never-ending roller coaster of emotions that I can’t get off.

  My phone chimes with a new message from Tira.

  TIRA: Home. Thanks for leaving me, Zane! WTF??

  Great. One less thing to worry about. She’s home safe.

  ZANE: K.

  My response is brief. And that’s all she’ll get from me.

  Chapter Six

  Raina

  The week flies by, which is a rarity as a teacher. Some weeks seem like they’ll never end, especially when the littles are having a difficult week. Storms, full moons, spirit weeks, birthdays; you name it, and it throws their minds into an alternate universe. After-school meetings and conferences are keeping me quite busy. I’m looking forward to tonight’s get-together with Liam, and I don’t even entertain the chances of running into Zane. Much. After our last little rendezvous outside the bathroom, I figure it’s time to move on. Nothing here to see, folks.

  Liam’s first set starts at 8:00, and the pub is busy. I push through a small crowd as I make my way toward him. He already has my drink at the table waiting for me and for that, I am grateful because the less time I spend at the bar near Zane, the better. Liam shoots me a beautiful smile and nods his head acknowledging my presence. He and his buddy sound amazing again tonight, and play some of my favorite songs. He looks at me often as he plays and smiles just a bit, which makes me a tad giddy, as though I’m some sort of quirky teenager again.

  However, to be honest, it doesn’t give me that butterflies-have-taken-up-residence-in-my-stomach feeling I get when I’m near Zane.

  We talk in between sets, and I have to admit that I do enjoy his company. Liam would make a great friend. But that’s about it as far this relationship will ever develop.

  Glancing over at the bar, again, I notice Zane and that familiar, irritated stare. The one that says he’d like to take me home and do some fairly indecent things to me, but he’s too confused or too reluctant to allow himself to do it. The back and forth with him is tiring. So, I do my best to keep my eyes on the stage and off the solemn man behind the bar.

  The night goes on like this, our eyes glancing back and forth, and I’m having a hard time being in the same room with him right now. I decide that once Liam finishes his set, I’ll make an excuse to say goodbye and leave. I’m certain he’s not ready for me to head home quite so early, but I really do need to get out of here.

  He walks back toward our table after a few more songs and takes a seat right next to mine.

  “Liam, thank you so much for a great evening. I had a good time, but I need to get home.” I'm trying to smile, but it just doesn’t reach my eyes and I know it.

  “I can't say I'm ready for our night to be ending now. But I think I understand.” He looks toward the bar and then takes my hand in his, rubbing his thumb on mine. “You're a beautiful girl, Raina. You deserve to be happy.”

  I feel like such a shit for doing this to him. He’s a great guy, good-looking too, and deserves so much more.

  I stand, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll text you and let you know I made it home, okay,” I say quickly, then head out the door. Once outside, I take a deep breath, breathing in the cool evening air. Closing my eyes for a moment, I focus on the stillness of the night. I try to center myself and quiet my mind.

  As I reach my car, someone calls out my name. Turning around, I see Zane heading toward me. He moves hastily and reaches me within seconds.

  “You’re leaving. Why didn’t you come up to the bar to get your own drinks?” he asks with a scowl on his face.

  “Liam bought my drinks. I figured your decision to push me away last weekend was enough. I don’t need to be told again. I thought that’s what you wanted...for me to keep away from you.”

  Zane stands in front of me, all man, with his eyes turned upward as though looking into the heavens. When he lowers his head, I witness a tormented look marring his face. And even with that look, I think I could fall into those eyes, never to return. This man wants me, I know; I see it clearly. But whatever it is that’s holding him back has him in tied in knots. I see the struggle in his stance and in the way he sways back and forth from foot to foot. He is in constant turmoil with himself, and I’d love to know why. However, it’s not my business. So, for the moment, I let it go.

  “What do you want?” I ask, quietly, hesitantly.

  “You. I want you, Raina,” he says in a voice that’s barely a whisper. So soft, I almost don’t hear it, even as close to me as he is.

  “That’s hard for me to believe, considering how last weekend’s short conversation went between the two of us.” Honestly, I don’t know how to process what he said. It’s intriguing he’s admitted that thought out loud. “We’ve been dancing around each other for months now. I offered a coffee date, and you turned me down. I’m not quite sure what you want, and frankly it’s confusing as hell.” I take a step back to distance myself from this confusing encounter.

  Zane’s having none of that. He steps toward me, eliminating the space between us. “Look. It’s not that simple. There are things you don’t know.”

  I shake my head and consider the things he doesn’t know about me. My eyes find his and I pause to calm my voice. “We all have issues, Zane. Generally, when one has an issue or a problem, one works through it on one’s own, or with someone else, to resolve it. There are things you don’t know about me either. My life is far from perfect.”

  His remorseful eyes penetrate mine, then he quickly glances away, almost as if he knows. But no one here knows, except Sarah. I’ve done a good job keeping that locked down. My parents’ death is my own to deal with. Some days, it’s fairly easy to manage, and others, it’s all I can do to get through the day. The fewer people who know about it, the less time I have to spend explaining it all again. Living through it once was enough.